Now or Never
by Miss Pookamonga
Summary: AU after "Lifeline". For Rodney, it's now or never, and if he doesn't do this NOW, he probably won't get another chance to. Rated T for mild language.


_Dear Readers,_

_Yes, this is about as wishful as wishful thinking can get. What if everything (in my world) went completely right after "Lifeline" and all was well on Atlantis in a very happy Disney-esque kind of way? Okay, maybe this is not that cheesy, but it is a product of my wishful thinking and therefore it might seem a bit too hopeful. But, hey, it's fanfiction--that's what we live for. :D_

_Best regards from a Bookworm (and SAVE SGA CRAZY fan),_

_Miss Pookamonga ;-P (and her muses, Sally Brown, Suzy T. Blue, Captain Jack Sparrow, Sunny Baudelaire, Hugh Laurie, Dr. Rodney McKay aka David Hewlett, AND Kenneth Branagh)_

_**Kenneth:** DAMN!_

_**Me:** MUAHAHAHA you belong to me now...teehee_

* * *

Rodney took a deep, shaky breath as he nervously fingered the small metallic object in his pocket. The situation at hand wasn't as bad as he was making it out to be. No. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't impossible either. He could do this. Yes, he could. He had enough courage to do it.

Or did he?

Maybe he really didn't.Or maybe he just didn't _know_ one way or the other. The uncertainty and anticipation was killing him—as if his nerves weren't already on the verge of total breakdown from his normal routine of getting no sleep, drinking too much coffee, and eating candy bars sporadically throughout the day. Not to mention that the almost-constant threat of being attacked by aliens or infected with foreign viruses or having someone else's consciousness lodged in his brain wasn't exactly very comforting.

Perhaps he just needed more time to think it over.

Who was he kidding? He'd _been _doing that for weeks, and the only thing it had managed to do was cause him more unneeded stress. And even he knew that he wasn't the best at disguising his anxiety. Heck, he was just plain _terrible_ at hiding anything. He'd given up trying to hide his all-too-obvious love for _her_ long ago, after Keller had very bluntly pointed out that he might as well run through the halls shouting out his confession of love for her. Well, actually, Sheppard had said something similar at first, but hearing it from Keller, he was much more inclined to believe that it was the truth.

He sighed in resignation. He had to do this _now_. It was now or never.

* * *

Sam Carter had never liked paperwork.

Being an astrophysicist, she was almost naturally inclined to jump at the chance to stimulate her brain with fascinating enigmatic formulas or theories about astronomical phenomena, but she was equally inclined to make herself invisible when it came to being asked to file paperwork. Astronomy and physics were _interesting_. And she had always had quite an affinity for those subjects. But plain old paperwork—no. Paperwork was the most boring thing ever created by man in the known universe (or universes), and that fact was never going to change.

What made it even more of a problem was that when she was bored, she couldn't sit still. _At all._ Boredom infected her with a serious bout of temporary ADD, and it only got worse if she was hyped on caffeine. Which she was at that moment, in fact. She couldn't remember just how many cups of coffee she'd had that morning—that _definitely _was a bad sign.

Ever since the rescue mission for Dr. Elizabeth Weir had miraculously succeeded and Elizabeth had returned to Atlantis to resume her position as leader of the expedition, while the IOA had consented to assign Sam the task of being the expedition's overall military commander over a year ago (Colonel Sheppard still oversaw the individual Air Force contingent on Atlantis)—Sam had been swamped with piles upon piles of military reports. Pitifully, most of them were either badly written, about uneventful or unproductive missions, or having something to do with Lieutenant Laura Cadman's new feud between her and Major Lorne. Sam had no idea exactly when that had started, nor did she really fully understand _why_—she just knew that one day about a year ago she had received a startling report from Cadman detailing in very colorful language the event of a heated verbal fray that had erupted between her and the major (he especially had been described in very..._explicit_...terms), and that the tension between the two had not since settled. Half the reports she had received in the last year were somehow related to that incident, and frankly, she was sure as hell tired of reading about it. The report she was now hopelessly attempting to peruse—to no avail—was in fact one relating to that very feud. Sam sighed and ran her hand over her face in frustration and exhaustion. There was no way she was going to be able to get through this today.

The tired colonel was abruptly (and most gratefully) yanked away from her reports when she heard a knock on her door. Releasing a heavy breath of relief, she looked up from her report.

"Come in!"

The door slid open and John Sheppard sauntered in, his hands stuffed casually in his pockets. He wore that characteristic grin of his, and his hair looked oddly more unruly than usual. Sam chuckled to herself at the sight of him, secretly glad that he'd chosen now to present his amusing personage at her office. It was a welcome relief from the looming mountain of papers that was threatening to send her sanity crumbling to pieces.

" 'Afternoon, Sam," he said cheerfully as he came forward to lean against her desk. "Lots of work to do, I see."

Sam let out a huff. "Huh! That's not even the half of it." She leaned her head against her hand and looked wearily up at her friend.

"Lemme guess. More exciting news about Lorne and Cadman! Am I right?" He crossed his arms to add effect to his sarcasm.

"You got it!" Sam threw her hands up in the air and let them flop to her sides as she leaned back in her chair.

"Are you sure you don't want Ronon and me to burn that stuff? We already offered Elizabeth—we'd be glad to do it for you too."

Sam shook her head and laughed at John's joke, leaning her elbows against her desk again. "I wish. This paperwork'll be the death of me."

John shifted off the desk and turned so he was facing Sam. "Aw, come on, don't talk like that." He pointed a finger at her for emphasis as he continued, "You might be jinxing yourself."

"Sounds like something Rodney would say," chuckled Sam, looking up in amusement.

"And since when is he that superstitious?"

"On second thought, you're right. Never mind." Both let out a well-needed laugh before John leaned against the desk again and Sam once more bent her sore neck over the report.

There was a few moments' pause as Sam looked hopelessly through the papers before her, and John watched intently without her noticing. The poor woman looked terrible. He knew that look on her face; he'd seen it on both her and Elizabeth too many times not to know what it meant. She obviously hadn't got too much sleep the past few nights, judging by the dark circles under her eyes and the pallor of her normally rosy cheeks. He could tell she was running purely on caffeine—no sane person would be able to function without it in her condition. Plus, he could feel all her aches and pains practically radiating off her, especially that crick in her neck that she was obviously trying to ease, as she kept stretching it from side to side. Simply put, she needed a break. A _long_ break.

"Have you had lunch yet?"

Sam looked up again with a sigh and shook her head. "No. I don't think I'll have time for it either," she added as she glanced helplessly at the pile of folders next to her.

"Come on, Sam," John urged. "You need to get away for awhile. Relax. You'll never get through this in your state." He waved his hand at the papers.

Sam rested one cheek on her palm and closed her eyes in thought. "You really think so? I'm afraid if I walk away, I'll be too scared to come back and face it again."

John laughed. "Once you get a proper lunch break, you'll be fine. Trust me. I convinced Liz to."

Sam smiled at his use of Elizabeth's nickname. The two had grown increasingly close (as if they hadn't been close already) over the past year, with (much) encouragement from the rest of the team. Interestingly enough, it had been the abrupt strike-up of Sam and Rodney's relationship a year ago that had finally made them feel comfortable enough to wade into deeper waters. Sam guessed it was because they figured that if she and Rodney could be together, surprisingly without too much of a serious reaction from the IOA, then there was no use hiding anything anymore.

"All right, if you convinced Elizabeth, I might as well go too," Sam finally conceded.

"Now that's what I'm talking about," replied John happily, backing towards the door. "After you." He swept his arm out dramatically.

"Why, thank you, kind sir," Sam joked as she stepped out of her office, suddenly feeling as if a great weight had been released from her chest. She took a deep breath. Yes, the tension was almost non-existent out in the hallway, compared to the coiled-up anxiety that was sitting stagnant in her office.

"Doesn't that feel better?" asked John with a satisfied grin.

"Much," replied Sam in relief. "Thanks for getting me out of there."

"Hey, it's my job to pull people out of trouble—"

"Before you let yourself be pulled into it," Sam finished, shooting John a smirk.

"Ha, ha, very funny. Why don't you go have lunch with your boyfriend Mer-Mer!"

Sam crossed her arms as she began walking away. "You know he doesn't like being called that, John!" she called out.

"What, are you _defending_ him now?" John yelled too loudly on purpose, causing passerby to turn and stare at him.

"No comment!" Sam called over her shoulder, laughing, before turning the corner.

John just chuckled and shook his head. His work was done.

* * *

Rodney continued to fiddle with the thing in his pocket even when he had sat down with his lunch tray. He felt guilty for not going to Sam and asking her if she wanted to take a break and have lunch with him, but he feared that if he went anywhere near her today before he was ready, he'd chicken out again. He needed to do this today, not tomorrow, not the next day, and he couldn't afford any unneeded setbacks or distractions. Not that Sam was either of those—but it wouldn't help if he ran into her and then ended up blubbering like an idiot.

He withdrew his hand from his pocket, wiped it on his pants, and then picked up his fork so he could finally enjoy his roast beef. But the fork suddenly paused in midair when he spied who had conveniently chosen to walk into the mess hall at that precise moment.

Dammit.

The fork dropped from his hand and clanged against the plate. The noise startled him and he jerked out of his trance, only to have the full weight of his doom come plummeting at his head once again. Rodney groaned and leaned his forehead against his hand, desperately trying to hide himself so she wouldn't see him. Maybe if he kept his arm in front of his face, she wouldn't notice he was there and go sit somewhere else, preferably far away.

"Rodney!"

Dammit, she'd already spotted him. If he believed a bit in luck, he knew that his had definitely taken a turn for the worse. And if that wasn't enough, his heart couldn't help but leap at her voice. He didn't want to see her, yet he did want to. Dammit, he was so confused!

"Rodney, hey!"

Rodney reluctantly lifted his head up and forced a smile. He tried not to really _look _at her. She was just too damn beautiful; if he did that now, he'd be totally dumbstruck, and then he'd _really _be stuck in the mud.

"Hey," he answered in a cracked voice.

Sam smiled and sat down opposite him. She was like an angel when she smiled; her whole face lit up and beamed with some sort of ethereal light that he couldn't find a name for—oh, _crap_, why was he letting himself melt away like that again?

She just continued to smile like that, making his hands shake nervously. Why in the name of hell could he not control himself? He grabbed his fork and clenched it in his hand so hard that it hurt. Maybe that would distract him before he fainted—no, before he passed out from manly...something.

"John finally convinced me to get out of the office," she stated in what sounded like an immensely relieved voice. His stomach flipped at that tone in her speech; he took too much pleasure in knowing that she was happy.

"T-t-that's good," Rodney was finally able to utter, staring pointedly down at his lunch before vigorously sawing off a piece of his roast beef and plunging it into his mouth.

"Yeah, it is," she continued, not noticing yet how odd his behavior seemed. "I was beginning to drive myself insane."

"Hmm," Rodney answered in acknowledgment, nodding his head without glancing at Sam. He absent-mindedly shoveled a glob of mashed potatoes into his mouth before suddenly realizing that he already had a large piece of roast beef stuffed in there. His eyes widened in shock, and then he attempted to chew slowly and swallow some of the mass of food down his throat before he was forced to regurgitate it. But then he choked on a piece of roast beef and started coughing terribly, and he had to frantically cover his mouth with a napkin as Sam worriedly jumped up and leaned over to try to pat him on the back. After a few embarrassing seconds, he had managed to swallow some of his food, with the help of a good several gulps of water. But now he had just managed to ruin his entire day in a mere matter of moments.

When he looked up, Sam's face was pink and shaking, and she was biting her lip to obviously hold back her laughter.

"What?" he snapped angrily, maybe a little too harshly.

"N-nothing," stuttered Sam, dipping her chin downward and blushing. "You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine," Rodney muttered miserably, picking up his fork and deciding to just eat mashed potatoes for the time being.

"Sorry, it was just—" Sam covered her mouth as she broke into a fit of giggles.

"Oh, yeah, laugh it up! Let's all mock the idiot." He stabbed his roast beef angrily, then remembered he wasn't eating it anymore and pulled the fork out with some effort.

The bitterness in his voice suddenly struck Sam, and she abruptly stopped giggling. Feeling guilty, she leaned forward and picked up his free hand, bringing it to her mouth to kiss it. She felt him tense at her kiss and wondered why, but brushed it off as a mere reaction to what had happened moments before.

"I'm sorry, really," she said in a much gentler voice. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"I told you, I'm fine," he grumbled.

Sam frowned. Granted, Rodney was known for being irritable, but never like this. There was something else wrong with him, and it was starting to worry her. "Is there something bothering you?" she asked softly.

"No," he muttered simply, refusing to look at her. "Aren't you going to go get some food?"

"Not until you tell me what's wrong," Sam answered firmly, directing an icy stare at him. She could sense him squirming in discomfort under her gaze, knowing that he knew she wouldn't stop looking at him that way unless he said something useful.

Rodney sighed and put down his fork in defeat. There was no way he was going to get around that stare. It bothered him too much. He slowly lifted his head until his eyes reluctantly met hers, shakily colliding with the barrage of beauty that stormed at him the minute he did so.

"Look, Sam, I can't tell you here," he said desperately. "I mean, not now—I mean—agh, look, can you come outside with me for a few minutes?"

Sam crooked an eyebrow quizzically. "Sure, if you think it's really that necessary."

"I-i-it is. Come on." Rodney stood up and pushed his chair in, picking up his tray and walking over to deposit it on the conveyer belt leading into the kitchen before grabbing Sam's wrist and leading her out of the mess hall.

* * *

"Hey, look, there they go," remarked Ronon, pointing at the couple leaving the mess hall in somewhat of a rush.

"You think he's really going to do it now?" asked Jennifer skeptically, turning her head to look at the burly Satedan walking beside her.

"Well, he's got to do it sometime," Radek piped in. "It's been, what, six weeks since he told us? That's a long enough time to mull over something as big as that. If I were him, I would've only waited two days. Any longer and I would've had a heart attack."

"I'm surprised he hasn't had one already," Ronon joked.

"Now, you must be fair to him," Teyla scolded, adjusting the crooning baby she was holding against her chest. "It is not an easy thing to do."

"Of course not," agreed Jennifer. "I'd die if I was in his place."

"Still, I think he should've gotten it over with a long time ago," Radek remarked, walking ahead of the little group and entering the mess hall.

"I wonder where Sheppard is," Ronon suddenly said.

"I would not go looking for him. You know he will only try to spy on them," Teyla advised, shaking her head exasperatedly at the last part.

"_He_ asked you yet?" Ronon nudged Elizabeth, who was standing on the opposite side of him.

Elizabeth blushed. "I don't know if we're ready yet," she answered, somewhat embarrassed at the question.

"Well, we all know you are," Jennifer remarked with a grin. "It's him nobody knows about."

Elizabeth would have blushed more at the statement, had she not noticed what was going on to the right of her periphery. "Well, look who's at it again," she heaved, raising her eyebrows at the group of friends.

"Oh, god, not _them_ again," groaned Radek as he rejoined the group, tray of food in hand.

"Is it really necessary for them to fight so much?" Teyla voiced, rolling her eyes.

"Maybe they'll end up like Sam and Rodney," offered Ronon.

There was a short silence before the five broke into a fit laughter.

A short distance away, Evan Lorne and Laura Cadman continued mercilessly flinging insults at each other, showing no signs of stopping anytime soon.

* * *

Sam stumbled over her own feet as Rodney dragged her ruthlessly through the hallways past several groups of people who all seemed to have the same satisfied smirk on their faces upon seeing them. Where the hell was he taking her? And what was this all about, anyway? She was honestly growing almost terrified at Rodney's unusually flustered behavior, and she was about to open her mouth and say something when she suddenly felt a gust of cool wind slam full-force into her face. They were outside, on a balcony somewhere.

"What—"

"Oh, _damn_, it's_ raining_!" he muttered under his breath.

Sam could obviously see that. The rain was pelting the city walls in vast white sheets all around them. Luckily, they were underneath an overhang, so neither of them had gotten wet. But...what _were_ they doing out here in the first place?

"Rodney, why on—"

Rodney abruptly cut her off by grabbing her chin in his hands and kissing her rather forcefully.

"God, I love you," he breathed when he had pulled away, panting.

"Rodney, you're freaking me out," Sam said nervously, her blue eyes wide with concern.

"I'm sorry, sorry...I just...I'm really sorry—" He fumbled around in his pocket as he apprehensively backed away from her. Damn, where _was _that thing? Oh, there it was. He grasped it firmly in his hand and gently took Sam's left hand (yes, it _was_ the _left _hand) in the other.

He took a deep breath. Now. He had to do this _now. _He forced himself to bring his eyes up to meet hers.

"I...need to tell you something." Shit, that sounded _so _cliché.

"What?" She was still staring at him with that same half-scared, half-worried expression on her face.

"I..." Where the hell was it? Oh, it was already in his hand. Right. He began shakily to pull it out of his pocket—

—and dropped it.

"NO!" Rodney instinctively yelled as he leapt after the thing. It clinked against the metal surface beneath them and began bouncing towards the edge of the rainy balcony. Both he and Sam clambered after it, Rodney swearing loudly as he reached for it, missing it by inches. It was about to roll of the edge when suddenly, a hand swooped down upon it and scooped it up off the ground.

"Got it," heaved Sam, inadvertently opening her palm.

"Wait—it's—"

She gasped.

Rodney clamped his jaw shut.

"Oh...my God..." he heard her breathe barely audibly before she lifted her head to gape at him in utter shock.

He instinctively dropped to his knee.

"Oh my God," she muttered again, still gaping at him.

"Do you like it?" he asked softly, taking her hand in his.

She tried to speak once more, but suddenly her voice caught in her throat and tears began pouring down her face, much like the rain was doing at the moment.

He picked the silver ring up in his hand and held it up in front of her so that the diamond jewel upon it glinted in what little light there was coming through the rain. "I...umm...don't know exactly how to put this," he stuttered, keeping his eyes locked on hers. "But...I've been thinking...a long time...I wanted to..." He took another deep breath. "I love you...so much...and I can't...I know this sounds incredibly stupid, but I can't imagine living without you...and I knew that if I didn't say something soon, I'd...I'd—"

"You don't have to say anything," Sam choked, smiling through her tears.

Rodney's tense face finally melted into a warm grin. "So...you will?"

"Yes," she whispered, nodding voraciously. "Yes, as crazy as it sounds."

Without thinking, he bolted to his feet and threw his arms around her, lifting her up and twirling her in a circle in the air.

"Rodney! Rodney, the ring!" she squealed, trying not to laugh.

"Oh! Oh, yeah!" He placed her down gently and held the ring out in front of her again, kneeling once more. Taking her (left!) hand, he gently slipped the ring onto her finger. It was a perfect fit.

"Thank God, I was afraid I might've ordered the wrong size," he sighed in relief.

Sam giggled. "It's beautiful, Rodney."

"You're beautiful."

The air grew silent save for the pounding of the rain against metal, as Rodney slowly stood up and slid his hands to Sam's waist. He pulled her against him and kissed her quite passionately for a few minutes before moving away to lean his forehead against hers.

"I think John is watching us," Sam suddenly said with an annoyed smirk.

Surprisingly, this didn't wipe away the enormous grin that was plastered on Rodney's face. "I know," he answered nonchalantly. "I'll get him later."

And with that, he leaned in yet again to grant his new fiancée another long kiss.


End file.
